The Tomfoolery of the Negaverse!!
by Belladonna Sinistra
Summary: A play-style romp featuring the Generals. Watch out for some cameos in later chapters! Also keep an eye out for the musical numbers by one of my mentors! ^_~
1. Default Chapter

A play-style romp featuring the Negaverse Generals. Basically just some amusing little titbits from someone who watches far too many BBC comedy shows. Credit must go to Ben Elton, Richard Curtis, Doug Naylor and Rob Grant for a number of the ideas expressed in this story. However, please remember that this is fanfiction, and I do not own any of the characters featured in this story. Also, the verse which is featured in Scene 3 is taken from the song 'Hey You' by Pink Floyd. I do not own it, and I also do not own the song 'Last Kiss', which belongs to Pearl Jam. Okay? Good. ^_^ Oh, and another thing: anything written * like this * is an action, and anything written [like this] is to do with the setting/changing of the scene.

Well then, now that that's all out of the way…_onward ho_!!! 

-Belladonna Sinistra-

_~The Tomfoolery of the Negaverse-Episode 1: The Caped Menace~_

_by Belladonna Sinistra_

[About mid-afternoon in the Negaverse. The Generals are sitting in a lounge room drinking tea, watching the interesting local wildlife, furry lizards, sheep playing violins and suchlike.]

_Jadeite_**:** God, I'm bored.

_Nephrite_: Oh, shut up. I know you like the sound of your own voice, but you've been saying that for the last hour.

_Jadeite_: * sticks his tongue out *

_Nephrite_: * rolls his eyes * Very mature….

_Kunzite_: Knock it off, you two. What are you reading, Zoi?

_Zoisite_: * shows him the cover of her book *

_Kunzite_: Ah, Virgil's 'Aeneid'! The epic tale of love, war, and bloodlust!

_Zoisite_: Yeah, this is the comic book version.

_Kunzite_: * reads over her shoulder * Kerpow, kersplat, die you Trojan pigdog. Well, I see they've remained faithful to the original text. I'm sure Virgil would have approved. * rolls his eyes *

_Nephrite_: Don't discourage her, Kunzite, it's the only thing she's ever read that doesn't have lift-up flaps..

_Zoisite_: * sticks her tongue out at Nephrite * What about this Trojan horse malarkey, though? I'm not buying that.

_Jadeite:_ * stares at her in disbelief * That's one of the greatest military manoeuvres in recorded history, you ignorant peasant!! 

_Zoisite_: Yeah, but think of it like this- the Greeks have been camped outside of Troy, kerpowing and kersplatting the Trojans for the best part of ten years. Then one day, the Trojans wake up, and the Greeks have all gone, leaving behind this great big wooden horse, just big enough to comfortably conceal 400 Greeks in full battle gear _and _leave room for adequate toilet facilities, as a tribute to their valiant foes. Now are you telling me that not one Trojan said 'Hang on a minute, that's a bit of a funny prezzie, what's wrong with a couple of hundred pairs of socks and some aftershave?'

No, they don't, they just wheel it in, and then all decide to go for an early night. If you ask me, people that stupid deserve to be kerpowed and kersplatted in their beds. * shakes her head *

_Jadeite_: * stares * Zoi, exactly which planet did you just beam down from?

_[The impending argument is interrupted by a knock at the door]_

_Titus_: Yoo-hoo!! Message from Queen Beryl, guys- the Sailor Scouts are on board our airship!

_Kunzite_: Right! Zoisite, you go and…

_Titus_: Hold up, Kunzite! Queen Beryl said I'm in charge!

_Kunzite_: Now wait just one damn minute! I'm the leader of the four Generals. I, Miss Titus, am the one who co-ordinates these operations!!

_Titus_: Sorry Kunzite, I didn't mean to steal your thunder. * snickers *

_[scene changes to a large room containing an army of yoma]_

_Kunzite_: Right, you all know what to do, destroy the Sailor Scouts, and the last one back's a Euro-Federalist!

* the yoma ignore him and gaze around vacantly *

_Kunzite:_ DESTROY THE SAILOR SCOUTS!!!!

* one yoma starts whistling *

_Kunzite_: Err….right….Well, I'll be in the control room, correlating the…um…in the control room…..* leaves *

_Titus_: * whispers to one of the yoma * Would you be so good as to destroy the Sailor Scouts?

_Yoma_: Yes, ma'am! Destroying the Sailor Scouts, ma'am!

_[back in the Generals' Lounge]_

_Zoisite_: Well, today was a complete waste of makeup!

_Kunzite_: Hmph.

_Jadeite_: For crying out loud, Kunzite! Are you still sulking?!

_Kunzite_: No. I'm teaching sheep to juggle toasters.

_Zoisite:_ * laughs hysterically * You were asking for that, Jadeite!!

_Nephrite_: * sighs * Bloody Sailor Scouts….

_Kunzite_: * sighs * I know….it's like trying to climb a wall, but you just keep slipping back down…..

_Zoisite_: * sings * But it was only fantasy….The wall was too high, as you can see….no matter how he tried, he could not break free….And the worms ate into his brain…..

* everyone stares at her *

_Zoisite_: Sod off, you lot, I like that song!!

_Nephrite_: * shakes head * Weirdo…

_[scene changes to an alleyway, about midnight]_

_Sailor Moon_: Tuxedo Mask! Help me!

_Tuxedo Mask_: * drops from rooftop * Never fear, sweet Sailor Scouts!! So, we meet again, Negaverse slime!

_Zoisite_: * mutters * Go get shagged, Cape Boy….

_Jadeite_: * passes a piece of paper to Tuxedo Mask * Here, call this number, tell them I sent you. Say it's an emergency.

_Tuxedo Mask_: I will not be insulted by you, Negaverse scum! Take that! * throws a rose at Jadeite, but misses and hits Zoisite *

_Zoisite_: AAAGGGHHH!!! My face, my beautiful face!! You'll pay for that, you (A/N- This bit is unprintable, sorry!) !!

_Kunzite_: Calm yourself, little rat….

_Sailor Mercury:_ 'Little _rat' _?! That's so mean!!

_Jadeite_: On the contrary, it's a term of endearment. It actually came from Nephrite calling her a…what was it again, Nephrite?

_Nephrite_: A sneaky, conniving, vicious, murderous little rat.

_Sailor Mercury_: And that's a term of endearment??!! In that case, I'd hate to hear an insult!!

_Nephrite:_ Well, I meant it as an insult, but Kunzite turned it into an affectionate thing, so….* shrugs *

_Sailor Mercury_: Right then…..

_Nephrite:_ Meh. D'you fancy a coffee?

_Sailor Mercury_: Well….alright, I suppose!

_Sailor Moon_: Hey! Sailor Mercury! We're in the middle of fighting them! You can't go for coffee with an enemy!! * Sailor Mercury ignores her and goes off with Nephrite *

_Jadeite:_ Sure you can….* looks at Zoisite and Tuxedo Mask. Zoisite is jumping up and down, screaming abuse *

_Sailor Jupiter_: * looks dreamily at Jadeite * He looks just like my old boyfriend…

_Jadeite_: * eyes Sailor Jupiter * Well, hello there….I'm writing a phone book, can I have your number?

_Sailor Jupiter_: I'll give you something better…* winks, then grabs Jadeite's arm and drags him off *

_Sailor Moon_: * jumps up and down * Raye, Mina, you'll stay with me, right?!

_Sailor Mars and Sailor Venus_: SSHHH!! Don't say our names, you idiot!!!!

_Kunzite_: Raye and Mina, hmm…Must remember that…* to Sailor Moon * So, what's your name, honey?

_Sailor Moon_: * blushes * It's Bunny….

* Sailor Mars and Sailor Venus smack their fists into their foreheads *

_Sailor Venus_: Talk about mouth…

_Sailor Mars_: I know!! You could sink a battleship in her mouth!!

_Sailor Moon:_ You're so mean!! * cries *

_Sailor Mars_: * pats Sailor Moon on the head * Poor baby….. * rolls her eyes *

_Sailor Venus_: * to Kunzite * Hey there, gorgeous….you're looking good….

_Kunzite_: * stares * Er….right….Zoi, perhaps we should be going…..* drags Zoisite away, still screaming at Tuxedo Mask *

_Sailor Moon_: Oh, Tuxedo Mask...* swoons * You were incredible…* hearts in eyes*

_Tuxedo Mask_: Want to see something really incredible? * picks up Sailor Moon and flies/jumps away in the direction of Darien Shields' apartment *

_Sailor Venus_: He-ey…everyone else got a man…what about me?!

[Belladonna Sinistra suddenly Apperates into the alley]

_Sailor Venus_: Hey Belladonna, what about me?

_Belladonna_: You don't get a man because you're a dumb poser and I don't like you. * Disapperates *

_Sailor Venus: _* blinkblink *

_Zoisite_: Oi, Venus! You want a man, huh?

_Sailor Venus_: Yeah! Any idea where I can get one?

_Zoisite_: Well, if you hang around on the streets dressed like that, you'll get one faster than you can say 'I'm easy'! You never know, you might even make some money out of it!!

_Sailor Venus_: Why you…!!!

_Kunzite_: My God, is that the time?! Must dash! * drags Zoisite away before Sailor Venus can retaliate *

_Sailor Venus_: Ohh…bugger!!!! Hang on….where's my chain-thing? I want my chain-thing! What's become of my chain-thing??!! * screams *

* Trinity Apperates into the alley *

_Trinity_**: * **sings** * **Oh where, oh where can my baby be…The Lord took her away from me…She's gone to heaven so I got to be good…So I can see my baby when I leave this world… * hangs her head and Disapperates *

_Sailor Venus_**: **Riiight…


	2. The Tomfoolery of the Negaverse- Episode...

Okay, here it is! Chapter two!! Watch out for the cameos in this episode- Draco Malfoy from 'Harry Potter', and my mentors, Trinity and the Cheshire Cat. I do not own Draco or Pansy Parkinson , nor do I own the songs 'Iris', 'Ride of the Valkyries', 'Venus Or Mars', 'Astronomy Dominie' or 'Fuel My Fire', they belong to the Goo Goo Dolls, Richard Wagner, Jackson Mendoza,  Pink Floyd, and The Prodigy respectively. ^_~

Ophelia, however, is my own invention, so please don't steal her. Okay? Good.

_Onward ho!!_

-Belladonna Sinistra-

_~The Tomfoolery of the Negaverse- Episode II: Attack of the Cameos!~_

_by Belladonna Sinistra_

[The Sailor Scouts are fighting one of those great big ugly things with too many legs that the Negaverse seems to have an endless supply of, whose name, incidentally, is Ophelia. Ophelia Dickie, to be precise, but that's another story. ^_~ ]

**Zoisite:** Hahahahaha!!! You don't stand a chance, Sailor brats!

**Kunzite**: * rolls his eyes * And the Queen of Cliché strikes again….

**Zoisite**: * sticks her tongue out * Ha ha!

**Kunzite**: You know, Zoi, people who say 'Ha ha' have no real sense of humour, they just can't think of a witty retort?

**Zoisite**: * pauses * Oh, ha ha! Anyway, destroy them, Ophelia!

**Jadeite**: Ophelia. What a bloody stupid name!

**Nephrite**: It's owner is pretty bloody stupid, too. * to Ophelia * Aren't you, you great ugly brute?

* Ophelia turns around and starts attacking the Generals *

**Nephrite**: Shiiit!!

**Jadeite**: Run away!

**Sailor Moon**: He-ey! Come ba-ack! We haven't finished fighting ye-et!! * grabs hold of Nephrite as he disappears, and gets caught in the beam *

**Sailor Mercury**: Oh no! They've taken Sailor Moon!

**Sailor Mars**: 'Oh no'?! Are you crazy, Mercury, this is great!! * dances around with Jupiter, singing 'Oh Happy Days' *

**Sailor Mercury**: I can't believe you guys are so mean! She's our leader, not to mention our friend!

**Sailor Mars**: * stops dancing and stares at Mercury * …Your point being?

**Sailor Mercury**: My point being….WE'RE GOING TO RESCUE HER!!!

**Luna**: Mercury's absolutely right! You two should be ashamed of yourselves!

**Sailor Venus**: Remember, our duty is to protect the Moon Princess! Not to mention the fact that the Generals aren't that bad looking….

**Sailor Jupiter**: …Except for Zoisite…

**Sailor Venus**: * snaps out of her daydream about the Generals * Er…what?

**Sailor Jupiter**: Well…in case you hadn't noticed, Venus, Zoisite is a girl…

* Draco Malfoy suddenly appears, followed by Belladonna Sinistra (me!! ^_^ ) *

**Draco**: BELLA!!! Where the hell am I, and what the hell am I doing here??!!

**Belladonna**: You're in Tokyo, and you're here because I want to have fun! Now, you're going to be a good boy and do exactly what I say, aren't you?

**Draco**: * sneers * No. Why should I?

**Belladonna**: Because I'm the author and I said so. You don't want me to make you run around in circles, flapping your arms and yelling 'I'm a duck!', do you?

**Draco**: * sulks * No…

**Belladonna**: * smirks, then pats him on the head *

**Sailor Mars**: Wait a minute!! * to Draco * Who are you, and who the hell is that loony over there?!

**Belladonna**: Hee….I just can't resist…!

**Draco**: * puts his head in his hands * Oh God… please kill me….

**Belladonna**: I am Belladonna Sinistra, author of this story! * does Sailor Moon-style pose * With the aid of my mentors, Trinity and the Cheshire Cat, my mighty pen will right wrongs and humiliate anyone I don't like! And that means you, Pansy Parkinson!

**Draco**: Riiight…If anyone asks, I don't know you…* pauses * Hang on, what did you say about Pansy?

**Belladonna**: I don't like her. She's a stupid little drip and I wish she'd bog off and die. *  sulks *

**Draco**: * puts his arm around Bella * Let's talk business…maybe I could help with your next story?

**Belladonna**: Okay! You can be my creative assistant!

* Cheshire Cat appears *

**Cheshire Cat**: Oi! Bella! Stop messing about and get on with the story! * to Draco * Hey you! Get your grubby little paws off my protégé!

**Draco**: * quickly puts his hands behind his back * Yes ma'am!

* Cheshire Cat looks sideways at him, then slowly fades away until only her eyes remain *

**Belladonna**: Right, you all heard the Cat, get on with it! * vanishes *

**Draco**: BELLA!! GET BACK HERE!!!

**Sailor Jupiter**: * stares * Riiight…Anyway, as I was saying- Zoisite is a girl.

**Draco**: What the hell are you talking about?! Zoisite's a boy!

**Sailor Jupiter**: She is not! She's a frikkin' girl!

**Draco**: BOY!

**Sailor Jupiter**: GIRL!

**Draco**: BOY!

**Sailor Jupiter**: GIRL!!! * raises her fist *

**Draco**: * reaches for his wand * Eeep…Where's my wand…? * looks at Jupiter * Okaaay…have it your way…Zoisite's a girl…

**Sailor Jupiter**: See?! I knew we could agree eventually!

**Draco**: Riiight….

[Back in the Negaverse, Sailor Moon is lying on a couch, while the Generals stand around looking confused.]

**Zoisite**: * punches Nephrite in the arm * This is all your fault, you freakin' loser! What the hell are we supposed to do with her now?!

**Nephrite**: * pulls Zoisite's ponytail * It's not my fault, you little rat!

**Zoisite**: * grabs a handful of Nephrite's hair and pulls * Whose fault is it then, Henry Kissinger's?!

**Nephrite**: OW OW OW OW OW!!! Let go of my hair, dammit!!

**Zoisite**: *pulls harder * You let go of mine!

**Nephrite**: NEVER!!!

* They wrestle around, and Nephrite ends up leaning over Sailor Moon *

**Sailor Moon**: * wakes up * Oh, Tuxedo Mask!! I thought I'd lost you! * kisses Nephrite *

**Nephrite**: I think you may have mistaken me for…* Sailor Moon kisses him harder *

**Sailor Moon**: What were you saying?

**Nephrite**:…Nothing. * kisses Sailor Moon *

**Kunzite**: Er…Sailor Moon, I think you've confused him with…

**Nephrite**: Kunzite, I'm handling it, okay?

**Zoisite**: He sure is…

**Sailor Moon**: * stops kissing Nephrite * Wait a minute…this isn't the control room…

**Nephrite**: I think you may have mistaken me for someone else…

**Sailor Moon**: * stares * Is that the kind of guy you really are, Nephrite? Someone who'd take advantage of a woman who's half insensible?!

**Nephrite**: I was going to tell you, but they always told me it was rude to talk with your mouth full!

**Sailor Mercury**: Well, that's a good excuse!

**Sailor Venus**: What a cad!

**Sailor Mars**: Bet Molly doesn't know about that!

**Nephrite**: * turns purple * You tell her, I'll kill you!

**Sailor Moon**: Mercury! Venus! Mars!

**Belladonna**: * sings * Are you from Venus or Mars??!!

**Trinity**: * sings* Jupiter and Saturn, Oberon, Miranda and Titania…Neptune, Titan, stars can frighten…Blinding signs flat flicka flicka flicka flicka blam pow…

* everyone stares. A cricket chirps in the background *

**Draco**: Riiight…Bella, can I go now? It's just that I had plans to torture Pansy tonight…

**Belladonna**: Okay, you can go. I'll be there soon, too..* smiles evilly, then vanishes *

**Trinity**: Pansy torturing…? What fun…* sings * People like you just fuel my fire….

* Disapperates *

**Draco**: Now where did I put that tape…? * smirks as 'Ride of the Valkyries' starts to play *

* everyone stares at him *

**Zoisite**: That boy ain't right…

**Nephrite**: Look who's talking…* rolls his eyes *

**Draco**: Oh, before I forget- Zoisite, are you a boy or a girl?

**Zoisite**: I'm a boy, but I can turn into a girl. * winks *

**Draco**: * to Sailor Jupiter * See?! SEE?! I told you! Now the worm has turned, my dear…* laughs evilly *

**Nephrite**: Oh…kay…then…

**Draco**:…Bella? Trinity? Cheshire Cat? There's people, and they're staring at me…

* Cheshire Cat appears *

**Cheshire Cat**: * rolls her eyes * Oh, come on, you bloody sook…*grabs Draco and disappears *

**Kunzite**:…Was it just me, or was he wearing makeup….?

**Zoisite**: Nope, it's not just you.

**Kunzite**: Oh…okay…* shakes his head *

**Sailor Moon**: Um…maybe we should do this tomorrow…

**Kunzite**: Right…oh wait, we're busy tomorrow. We're going to see Star Wars so we can sneer at the pathetic villains they have. How's Friday for you?

**Sailor Moon**: Great! I have a maths test then!

**Sailor Mercury**: We can't miss a test!

**Sailor Moon**:…Why not? * to Kunzite * So, 2pm on Friday?

**Kunzite**: Sounds good, see you then!

**Sailor Moon**: Bye!

* the Sailor Scouts run off *

**Nephrite**:…So now what?

**Jadeite**: Sorry I'm late, everyone!

**Zoisite**: * rolls her eyes * Don't bother apologising, I'm sorry you're alive…

* Trinity appears *

**Trinity**: * sings * And I don't want the world to see me…'Cause I don't think that they'd understand…When everything's made to be broken…I just want you to know who I am…* Disapperates *

**Zoisite**: Why does she keep doing that??!! She did it last episode, too!!

* everyone stares *

**Jadeite**: Episode…?

**Zoisite**: Er…My God, look! A monkey! * runs *

**Nephrite**: What an eccentric performance…..

**Kunzite**: Welcome to my world….* rolls his eyes *


	3. The Tomfoolery of the Negaverse- Episode...

Hello and welcome to Chapter 3 of 'The Tomfoolery of the Negaverse! Now, before I begin, I would like to clarify something. I mean no disrespect to anyone of a different culture, nor do I mean any disrespect to anyone who does not speak English as their first language. I know I probably don't need to put this in, as I doubt whether anyone could be that anal, but it's called covering your arse. ^_~ Anyway, credit for this episode must go to John Cleese and Connie Booth, authors of the wonderful British comedy, 'Fawlty Towers'. Please also note that I do not own the songs 'Sorrow' and 'See Emily Play', they belong to the masters of rock, Pink Floyd.  
  
Onward ho!!  
  
-Belladonna-  
  
[Inspection Day in the Negaverse. The Generals have a friend staying with them, a girl by the name of Marlene, who is apparently a few sandwiches short of a picnic…]  
  
Kunzite: Right Marlene, you just sit there and look cute, and….Marlene, what is that?! * points to the cage on Marlene's bed *  
  
Marlene: Is my hamster!  
  
Kunzite: Marlene…that's a rat!!  
  
Marlene: That's what I say. I say to man in shop 'Is rat' and he say 'No, is pedigree Siberian hamster' and he give me special price, $10.  
  
Kunzite: * puts his face in his hands * Marlene, have you ever heard of something called the bubonic plague? It was quite popular at one point. Lots of 'pedigree hamsters' came over from Siberia, and generally caused a lot of mayhem. * grabs the cage * I'm sorry, but he has to go.  
  
Marlene: NOOO!!! Is my pet, he no hurt!! * runs after Kunzite and grabs his leg *  
  
Jadeite: What on earth's going on here?!  
  
Marlene: * sobs * He take my hamster!!!  
  
Jadeite: Kunzite, why did you take her hamster?!  
  
Kunzite: * holds up the cage *  
  
Jadeite:…That's a rat, Marlene!!  
  
Marlene: But I love him!!!  
  
Jadeite: But you can't keep him, not while Beryl's on the warpath, she hates rats!  
  
[In the Generals' Lounge. Everyone is sitting around a table, contemplating the rat.]  
  
Nephrite: Maybe we should just let it go, give it its freedom.  
  
Zoisite: No! He won't be able to survive, he's domesticated. * to the rat * Aren't you?  
  
Nephrite: Well you're domesticated, and you do all right!  
  
Zoisite: * glares at Nephrite *  
  
Jadeite: Well, maybe we could find a home for it…  
  
Nephrite: What, put an ad in the paper, you mean?  
  
Kunzite: Something along the lines of: Loving home wanted for huge, vicious rodent, you mean?  
  
Nephrite: * mutters * Answers to the name of Zoisite…  
  
Kunzite: Oh, let's just let it go. It's not as if he's going to be mugged by a gang of field mice, is it?  
  
Zoisite: No! You know perfectly well that I cannot abide cruelty to living creatures!  
  
Nephrite: Well I'm a creature, you can abide it to me!  
  
Zoisite: You're not living…  
  
Jadeite: Perhaps it would be kinder to have it put to S-L-E-E-P…  
  
Kunzite: What, her or the rat? We might get a discount if we get them both done…  
  
Marlene: Spleep??!!  
  
*Queen Beryl enters, and all the Generals jump to attention *  
  
Queen Beryl: What's all this racket about?!  
  
Kunzite: Well…er…  
  
Marlene: * throws herself at Beryl's feet * They take my hamster!!  
  
Queen Beryl: How dare you take this poor little girl's hamster away! Explain yourselves at once!  
  
* all four Generals point to the cage *  
  
Queen Beryl: AAAAHHHH!!! A rat!!!! * runs out, holding up her skirts *  
  
Marlene: * chases after her * No, wait, is pedigree Siberian hamster!!!!  
  
Jadeite: Riiight…So, now what?  
  
Nephrite: Maybe Molly would like a rat…?  
  
Kunzite: Why would anyone want a rat?  
  
Nephrite: * mutters * As if you don't…Well, she seemed very keen when I offered to sell her Zoisite…  
  
Kunzite: * gets hold of Nephrite by the front of his uniform * You did WHAT??!!  
  
Nephrite: Well…um…She said she wanted a rat, and I said she could have Zoisite for next to nothing, since there wasn't much difference…  
  
Zoisite: * cries, Bunny-style * You're so mean!!!  
  
Jadeite: * rolls his eyes * Nice going, Nephrite, you made him cry!  
  
Nephrite: Shove it, you blond bimbo! * to Zoisite * You know, I think I like you better as a girl- you're not such a damn crybaby!  
  
* Zoisite howls even louder *  
  
Kunzite: That's it! You're all dead!  
  
[Five minutes later, Marlene comes in, wearing a black armband. The Generals are rolling around on the floor, punching, kicking and swearing at each other.]  
  
Marlene: Umm….I go now…  
  
* Trinity suddenly Apperates *  
  
Trinity: * sings * The sweet smell of a great sorrow lies over the land…Plumes of smoke rise and merge into the leaden sky…* shakes her head, then Disapperates *  
  
Marlene: Weirdo…  
  
Belladonna: * smiles * Silly girl…* sings * There is no other day…Let's try it another way…You'll lose your mind and play…Free games for may…See Emily play…* vanishes * 


End file.
